


What Might Have Been

by trippgalaxy



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Humor, Baby Durins, Baby Fíli and Kíli, Balin Is So Done, Brother Feels, Durin Family, Durin Family Angst, Durin Feels, Dwalin & Thorin Oakenshield Friendship, Dwalin - Freeform, Dwalin Feels, Dwalin Is A Softie, Dwalin-centric, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Family Drama, Family Feels, Feels, Flashback, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Smut, Freeform, Fíli and Kíli Are Little Shits, Grief, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Little durins, Love, M/M, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Pre-Battle of Five Armies, Pre-Canon, Pre-Hobbit, Protective Dwalin, Romance, Smut, Thorin Feels, Thorin Is an Idiot, Thorin is a Softie, Thorin's A+ Parenting, Uncle Thorin, Universe Alteration, What-If, Young Dwalin, alternative universe, before war, dis and dwalin, kiliel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-22 15:47:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3734470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trippgalaxy/pseuds/trippgalaxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is set before the Hobbit with young Fili and Kili. Some flashbacks of Dis as a child, along with Thorin and Frerin as well. </p><p>Basically flashbacks of Fili and Kili and everything that happened before the Hobbit was set.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some Dwalin/Dis because I'm intrigued with their own story and history together. 
> 
> A lot of the history/timing/battle/ages is what I came up with on my own, so much like my other story, some of it isn't 'technically' correct in Tolkien's world.
> 
> I don't really know where I'm going with this, all I know is that I needed to do some writing about them. 
> 
> *All characters belong to J.R.R Tolkien and their rightful owners as well as the plot.*

“I’ll go with you.” I said, defiantly, crossing my arms as Dwalin looked over to me, raising an eyebrow- clearly used to my outbursts after years together, he was neither startled or amused. 

“You are absolutely mad, child.” He shook his head, “Why in Aule’s name would you want to come with us?”

“To fight.”

“You’ll be killed.” He snorted. 

“I’m not afraid. You of all people should know that.”

“Why would you want to fight with us?”

“What good is it to have me sit here doing nothing if you, my brothers, my father and grandfather are gone to war? I have no one here. I could potentially save one of you.”

Dwalin scoffed, “If anything, you’d be more of a distraction.”

“How is that?” I was getting more angry the more he thought this was a joke. 

“I’d be so occupied worrying about you I’d probably lose my head to an orc. At least I, _we_ would know you were safe here.” 

“Well I’d rather die beside you guys than be here alone.”

Dwalin was quiet as he looked out the window, the night air drifting through the window causing a chill to dance along my skin. 

 “Are you scared?” I asked; my voice breaking the silence as Dwalin looked up at me. His hair was black as night, sticking up straight in a Mohawk and his eyes smouldered; his usual rough exterior softened once his eyes met mine.

“I’m not afraid to die, Dis.” He spoke with brutal honesty, the same brutal honesty I often spoke with, that had gotten me into trouble on too many times.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” I whispered softly, wishing I could have asked him to stay, to forget about the war and to stay right here beside me.

“Nobody wants to die but when you’re going head first into a battle you learn to accept how fate will play out. Balin is the only family I left and he’s coming with us. If we don’t make it, then at least we left this earth defending our king.”

“You have nothing else to live for, then?” I wondered, looking off into the distance to think about what could ever be between us, but maybe it was the ale talking from the pre-battle party. 

“I never said that.” Dwalin looked at me now, with his eyes that seemed to pierce right through my soul and heart. “War isn’t my weakness. Battle and being on death’s door won’t be my downfall.” He glanced over at his armour in the corner of his room, all set for their morning departure.

How I ended up in Dwalin Fundin’s bedroom was another matter entirely. Many times as I child I would run down in here, searching for someone to annoy or come darting in the middle of the night straight into bed if I had a nightmare. But now as I sat on his bed, it was different somehow. 

“Then what will be?”

“If anything, love would kill me before any enemy got the chance to.”

“That’s quite poetic of you.” I teased, but I didn’t miss the serious undertone in his voice as his eyes ran over my body. 

“You’re a kid, you wouldn’t understand.” 

I lifted my head up, letting my hair fall past my shoulders and undid the first tie on my corset.

“Do I look like a child to you, Dwalin?”

Dwalin’s lips were on mine as he kissed me gently; tasting slightly of ale and pipe smoke. I pulled back in surprise for half a second before leaning forward again, brushing my lips against his; my hands coming up to brush against his beard, his scarred skin and then settling around his neck.

Dwalin kissed me back, harder and rougher; and this was more like what I had imagined it to be like to kiss him, ever since I was little. His hands gripped my hips, pulling me up onto his lap. I pressed myself closer to him, my chest against his as I felt so small around his enormous arms, covered in tattoos and angry scars, each telling a different story.

 “Dis…” His voice was rough and his breathing was shallow as he pulled back to look at me as I imagined I looked the same, wide eyes and heaving chest. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“You’re what I want.” I answered, as I choked back a gasp as Dwalin’s lips were grazing the skin along my neck, as his fingers started to undo my corset.

 In one movement, he flipped me over so I was now lying on my back against the bedsheets in his room. Once our clothes were in a pile strewn across the floor, his lips sealed over mine as my fingers gripped into his shoulder blades, pulling him down on top of me.

I bit back a cry when he sank his hips in between mine, his rough hands clasping mine, bringing them over top of my head. His tattooed, scarred muscles tensed under his skin as he hovered over me, trailing a strand of rough kisses down my lips to my collarbone, lightly nipping and sucking at my exposed flesh; leaving love bites all across my skin, which paled in the moonlight.

I grabbed at Dwalin like it was the last time I would ever see him, gripping his hips with my legs, crossing my ankles at his back as I arched underneath him, as he deeply groaned in the back of his throat.

I snaked my arms around his neck, pulling his lips down to mine as we were completely lost in each other’s arms and sweat, our own bittersweet goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“I leave tomorrow,” Dwalin’s gruff voice broke the silence as we lay in a tangle of limbs under the covers. “Dis if I don’t make it-“

I put my lips to his to shut him up as my fingers found themselves tangled in his hair, tracing the lines of scars and war tattoos across his head. It was well past two in the morning, and what had been innocent intentions at the beginning as friends to simply spend time before he and my brothers went off to war had led to something completely unexpected yet very much wanted at the same time.

Ever since Dwalin was introduced to me as Thorin’s best friend through their childhood and teenage years, I had always had an attachment to the rough, hardened dwarf with piercings and tattoos; who was legend to some of the other dwarrows, his brutal skill with his two axes, and being able to fend off an orc pack with just him and my oldest brother; was naked and completely vulnerable beside me now.

“Amralime.” He whispered, running a hand along the side of my face. 

I froze when the word left his lips, a word that was just for me. For tonight, anyway. I didn’t know what the future held for us, or what would become of this, but it wouldn’t hurt to lie to myself and pretend this would be for more than one night.

__

_ Stay with me,  _ I silently pleaded, a plea that was left unspoken for many years after.

“Just come back to me.” I murmured in the darkness, sleep claiming us both.

I didn’t even feel him stir beside me in the morning as he quickly and quietly grabbed his things, sliding on his armour, bending down to place a kiss on my cheek, before closing his door silently behind him as he walked into the morning mist, alongside my brothers.

I waited. For years after, but he never came back. After every battle thereafter I would run to the castle gates, only to be disappointed every time. He and Thorin had gone to fight up North, spending their time up there. It was years before I even heard from Thorin again.

He never came back to me.

After much loss and tragedy, I had eventually married, but it wasn’t to Dwalin. Vili was sturdy and stable, unlike Dwalin’s volatile exterior and his duties to his king as he swore in an oath. Vili was good, or so I had tried to convince myself. Blue eyed Vili, with no piercings or tattoos, no deadly axes or weapons; polite and gentle.

It was another man whose hands were on my hips, who braided my hair, who slept next to me at night, who gave me my two beautiful babes, but I always found myself wondering what might have been. A part of me, always hoped my tattooed warrior would come back, that maybe this had all been a dream, but it wasn’t.

One day I came across someone who ignited a fire in me that could not die; my black haired warrior. However, the saddest most awful truth I came to realize was that the person responsible for such feelings in a heart wasn’t always who we spent our lives with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so in my mind Dis has blonde hair and looks like Lagertha from Vikings. Just a total badass warrior
> 
> http://thisdorkyblogthing.tumblr.com/post/85155651632/stormbornvalkyrie-lagertha-vikings-209-the


	2. Chapter 2

The winter was one of the worst in years as the fire crackled in the living room space we occupied as I sat, waiting patiently like I had been for the last half a year, waiting for the return of my husband and my brothers after they had departed for the Battle of Azanulbizar, alongside my grandfather and father.

 

Fili sat on the floor playing with some of his toys as his baby brother Kili was laying on a blanket, not quite able to move yet, squealing in delight. Fili was older since his father had departed, as he grew more mature, realizing some things Kili was still completely oblivious to.

 

 _“Why did Adad leave to go to war?”_ Came out of his five year old mouth as I had to keep myself from fainting when I realized my baby wasn’t so little anymore and was more observant than any of us gave him credit for.

 

 _“To protect us and our home, little one.”_ I had told him, hoping it would be the last time I ever had to explain where their father and Uncles had gone off to.

 

The snow fell down heavily as I swore under my breath. It was going to be damn near impossible to try and trudge through this to cut more firewood or go to the marketplace. Hopefully we still had enough food to last us through the next couple weeks. Being just myself and a child, we didn’t need a lot to keep our stomachs full, especially since I still breastfed Kili.

 

The front door opened, the wind howled in as Fili jumped up to see who was there. Kili merely looked up, uninterested before shoving one of his chubby hands into his mouth, grabbing at his feet.

 

 _It was about damn time._ I thought to myself as I knew perfectly well who would be coming through that door but then got the surprise of my lifetime.

 

Thorin and _Dwalin_ came in, bloodied and scarred from their journey home.

 

My breath hitched in my throat. I had not expected Dwalin to come back, according to Thorin he was supposed to have headed North to fight with Dain.

 

Thorin looked at me with an expression that was troubled and more haunted than any other war he had returned from. There were no happy greetings like their usual, no rejoicing.

 

“Uncle Thorin! Mister Dwalin!” Fili went running towards his uncle and his second in command, his eyes searching for his father. I was shocked to see them, but even more shocked when I realized there were two people missing.

 

My own eyes searched frantically as I realized my husband was not with them, like he had been when they were leaving for war. Neither was my other older brother, Frerin. I felt panic rise in me when I realized it was only Thorin and Dwalin who had come through the door, no one trailing behind them.

 

“Where’s Vili?” I asked, trying to keep my composure in front of Fili as Dwalin lead him away from us, towards the fire place where Kili was, eyeing me from the side. “What about Frerin?”

 

Thorin’s grave expression was all I needed to realize that my husband wouldn’t be coming home.

_Or my brother._  

 

“I am so, so sorry Dis.” Was Thorin’s pained answer, not saying anymore as he looked to the boys who were tugging at Dwalin.

 

They were too young to understand what was going on as Dwalin looked to me, pity flashing across his eyes.

 

“Watch out for them.” I whispered, backing up against the wall as the ground I walked on felt like it was shifting underneath my unstable feet. Everything was closing in and I couldn’t breathe properly.

 

My husband was gone, and my world as I knew it came crashing down around me as everything blurred out of my vision. I managed to stumble back towards the hallway without giving the boys an indication of what had happened; no cries, no fainting, no screaming.

 

They did not need to see me like this; they would have enough grief of their own when the time came to tell them. No child should ever see their mother weeping, so I walked faster. Kili would have no memory of his father. Fili’s memory would be faint.

 

 Thorin would keep them occupied in the meantime. My poor babies. My poor husband. They would grow up without a father and I would spend the rest of my days as a widow, mourning a man who was gone too soon before his time.

 

My brother, my older brother who I had grown up alongside, was no longer with us, gone before he could even have a chance to live. Frerin, who would always let me climb into his bed as a child, when the nightmares and the dark closed in on me, who played dolls, taught me how to fight properly, he was nothing but a memory now. 

 

Once I was safe in my room, I shut the door behind me, only to have it open again as Dwalin stepped in, still in his armour, more scars settling into his skin as he walked towards me, lifting a hand out.

 

“Dis-“

 

Without another word I let out a sharp cry, dropping to the ground as Dwalin caught me in his arms, sliding down to the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

 

“Dis,” Dwalin said, coming in my room to sit on the edge of my bed in the dark. “You need to eat something, please. It’s been days.”

I shook my head, staring blankly at the wall. The cries had eventually faded and now it was nothing more than emptiness of what should have been. He should have come home, he deserved to come home.

 Fili and Kili had come in to see me, and I would put on a brave face as Thorin said mommy was going to be sick for a little while, while Daddy was still away, but things would get better. The only time I got up was to feed Kili, who was still not sleeping through the night entirely. Thorin and Dwalin both took turns as to who would sleep in the boys room and tend to Kili when he woke during the night, if he didn’t require feeding.

 I looked at their baby faces and I felt sick when I realized their innocent way they viewed the world would soon be shattered when they found out their father was killed on the battlefield. But the moment they left my room I would shrink back into the darkness, not wanting to come out of it, the tears claiming me again when I heard a young Fili ask Thorin, “When is daddy coming home, Uncle?”

“Please, Dis. If you won’t do it for me, do it for Fili and Kili. They need you to be strong.”

“But I’m not, Dwalin.” It was barely a whisper.

“Don’t give me that, Dis, don’t give up now. Your boys need you now more than ever. Don’t let them see you like this. You’re stronger than this.”

“Am I not allowed to grieve?” I snapped, more tears threatening to fall as I sat up right now. “Do you know how fucking guilty I feel, Dwalin? Do you know every time I was with him, I was wishing it was you? I was wishing it was your beads that were braided into my hair, I wish it was you who fathered my children, who sang them to sleep at night and who would lie next to me, do you know that? Now he’s dead and yet I still thought that when we were together, we were married but I kept thinking of you! You know what? I was scared to pledge myself to you, scared because whenever you left I would wonder when I would see you next. I couldn’t do that to myself, or my children, yet here I am. He didn’t deserve to die! I grew to care for him, but love him? He died believing a bunch of lies I had told him, Dwalin!”

“Dis, it’s not your fault, you’re heartbroken and you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“My heart’s been broken since you left.” My words hung in the air before Dwalin pulled back.

“You don’t think mine has? Returning home and finding out you’ve been married off with a family of your own? Do you want to know something, Dis? Not a day went by that I didn't wish that was me! Wishing it was me that got to weave my marriage beads through your hair, that fathered your children to raise them alongside you, I wished it was me that you reached for in the darkness; that slept next to you at night, who got to wake up next to you every morning! How do you think I felt going to my house alone, with no one, while you had your own family!”

“I still reach for you when there’s no one next to me!” My sob broke the silence as I was quick to cover my face with my hands, completely and utterly vulnerable on the verge of a total breakdown. 

Another cry racked through my body and before I knew it, two strong arms were around me, pulling me towards him as I rested my head against his shoulder, not even trying to stop the tears anymore.

“If you had asked me to stay, Dis,” His voice trailed off, “Things would have been more different…”

“I told you to come back to me, was that not good enough?”

“I’m here now, might be a whole lifetime later, but I’m still here.”

I cried for my two boys who would have to grow up without a father, only to have faint memories of their one that would fade with time. I cried for my husband, who was too young, too full of life for it to be taken from him. I cried for a love I had lost so long ago, the words that had never been said between Dwalin and I. I cried, wishing I could go back in time and change everything.

Dwalin never said a word as he just held me, as if any moment he loosened his grip I would fall apart, so I clung to him with every fibre of my being. He never pulled back or let me go, he sat completely still, silent, letting me get out years of grief I had kept bottled inside.

It wasn’t until I felt a drop of something wet on top of my hair that I looked up at him. His cheeks were soaked with tears as he shook silently, his eyes close shut as more tears fell quietly down his scarred face. My fingers reached out to brush them away, as he opened his eyes, looking at me,  _actually_ looking at me for the first time in decades. We didn’t say anything; we just sat staring at each other. My fingertips ran along the jagged scars of his face and neck, remembering each and every one from our younger days, some newer than others. His rough fingers that were calloused, but they searched my face gently, from the hollows of my cheekbones, down to my lips.

No words were spoken that night as slowly and deliberately I pressed my lips to the corner of his mouth, tangling my fingers into his black hair, running down to his beard and then clasping around his neck as his lips explored my neck and collarbone, as if remembering every curve, every inch of skin. My lips ran down his own neck, and over his chest, feeling the uneven, jagged skin from so many battles.

For the first time when I could no longer escape the nightmares and jolted from my sleep, he was beside me as I reached for him in the dark of the night. He was there in the flesh, no longer just a dream and a lifetime away, holding me against his chest until sleep claimed us again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They didn't have sex, just clarifying that. lol


	4. Chapter 4

“Mama, Kili’s trying to eat my toys again!” Fili whined from beside the fireplace as his baby brother had one of his stuffed teddies hanging from his mouth.

 

I sighed before walking over to my boys, picking my black haired baby up as he drooled messily onto my dress. He squealed in delight before burying his head into my chest. I was thankful Kili rarely ever cried, especially with trying to grieve the death of my husband and late brother. He was a peaceful baby, although restless and eager to get moving, he never wailed.

 

Thorin opened the door, wiping his boots on the mat before taking them off. Dwalin followed behind him, with an armful of wood for the wire, placing it against the wall.

 

“Uncle Thorin!” Fili ran at him, jumping as Thorin caught him in his arms. “Mister Dwalin!”

 

“Dis.” Dwalin greeted, running one of his hands through Fili’s blonde waves.

 

“Dwalin.” I nodded.

 

We hadn’t spoken of what had happened a few weeks ago in the closed confinement of my bedroom, the late night confessional and emotional outburst between the both of us, but it was words that needed to be said nonetheless. He stayed with us, as did Thorin; seeing as Dwalin had no home to go to, he had been away since we had started rebuilding in the mountains. So Thorin had offered his long time best friend a place in my house, not that I minded at all. I preferred their company, it helped numb my pain and push it into the back of my mind.

 

Kili turned his head to see who had come in, before looking away, uninterested, taking more interest in chewing on one of my braids with his toothless gums.

 

“Fili, it’s nice enough outside, why don’t you go out with Dwalin for a while?” Thorin suggested, giving me a look that meant he and I had some things we needed to discuss.

 

“Can we bring Kili, too?” Fili asked and Thorin nodded, putting him down to help him lace his boots up. Dwalin grabbed Fili’s coat off the hook, doing it up for him as I walked over to put Kili in his snowsuit.

 

“Of course you can.” I said, as my baby squirmed underneath me before I finally did his snowsuit up, handing him off to Dwalin, who took him in his one arm, holding Fili’s hand with the other. Dwalin had eventually gotten used to hauling a baby around and Kili had taken extreme interest in him, cuddling close whenever he got the chance to.

 

“That one’s a handful,” I told him, looking at Kili; who tugged on Dwalin, before looking down at his brother.

 

“Not so much different than when you were small?”

 

I laughed once. “You could say that.”

 

“We’ll be back later.” Dwalin said, looking at Thorin and I before walking out the door, Fili babbling to him.

 

“Mister Dwalin, can we build a snowman?” He asked as I closed the door, turning to face my brother.

 

“What’s wrong?” I asked, motioning for him to sit down at the table.

 

Thorin sighed, the after effect of war and worry already taking its toll on his aging face.

 

“Dis, I know since you found out about Vili’s death a few weeks ago, things haven’t been easy and you haven’t left the house.” He took my hands in his and I nodded. I no longer cried, but the feeling of emptiness was still lingering, never fading away. “But there is more I need to tell you before rumors start circulating.”

 

“What’s going on, Thorin?”

 

“Grandfather...he died in battle.” Thorin cast his eyes down, looking defeated.

 

I knew our grandfather, our king was old and shouldn’t have been out trying to reclaim one of the ancient dwarf kingdoms, but he insisted on going anyway. News of his death wasn’t surprising, it was upsetting all the same but it wasn’t the shock I had when I had found out Vili had passed on.

 

“I had a feeling that would happen.” I said softly.

 

“Dis, the pale orc, Azog the Defiler, beheaded him. He swore he was going to end the line of Durin.”

 

“This isn’t news to me, brother. I know of Azog.”

 

“You don’t understand Dis, father ran off, driven mad with grief. In the months it took to get back, nobody has seen him since. He’s missing, Dis. Father’s gone and everyone assumed he was captured or dead.”

 

I sat up straight now, my worries coming back. “What do you mean he ran off?”

 

“He took off when he saw grandfather’s head rolling on the ground.” Thorin answered, his face haunted with the gruesome memory. “I don’t know where he is.”

 

My dad, my father, was missing. Thorin was in denial but after the grief I had suffered the past few days, I knew better than to hope for a miracle. He wasn’t missing, he was dead. The orc filth probably tracked him down and ended his life.

 

“Then that means…” My voice trailed off, “You’re king.”

 

“I have to be.” Thorin’s voice was gruff, “I lead the army on in the middle of battle before Azog retreated, probably dead from his wounds by now. I cut his arm off.”

 

“We need a leader, Thorin.” I said as I could feel the stress and realization of what my brother would become as he sat across from me, raking his hands through his dark hair. “There is no better King than you.”

 

“Your boys need a father figure Dis.”

 

“And they will have one in you.” I answered, putting a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Dis, if I am to be king, I cannot be their father and a leader to them. I have to be one or the other. I can’t baby them, I can’t necessarily be Vili’s replacement, but I will try my hardest.” He promised me, taking my hands in his again.

 

“All I can ask is that you do your best to lead them to be strong. Fili is the next heir; he will need more guidance from you now more than ever.”

 

My Fili, my sweet blonde haired blue eyed Fili would one day be king and lead our people on for another generation. With Thorin by his side, grooming him to become everything Thorin was, I had no doubt he would be a success.

 

“Keep Dwalin around.” Thorin muttered and I pulled back.

 

“What do you mean?” I felt my heart pounding in my chest. Did Thorin know exactly how well Dwalin and I knew each other?

 

“He needs to be around for them when I can’t be a father. The both of us will raise them as our own, those boys will always have a father figure, whether it be me or Dwalin at times.”

 

“Of course.” I answered, “Does Dwalin know this?”

 

“He suggested it.” Thorin shrugged, “He said he would help alongside us with whatever we needed.”

 

“I don’t know how I could ever thank the both of you.” I stared down at my hands. “Thorin, we might have lost close to everything but we will be okay, I know it.”

 

He smiled at me, almost like we were kids so long ago before we were burdened with grief and hardships.

 

Thorin and I were silent for quite some time before he looked off into the distance. “He would have stayed for you, Dis.”

 

Thorin looked down at his hands before I noticed the tears falling silently down his cheeks, dripping onto the table, his head hung.

 

“Brother-“ I started, reaching out for him as he hugged me harder than he ever had in my life. His body trembled with a hard sob that almost sounded childlike.

 

I had never seen Thorin cry, even as children. He was always the stern, mature one who was always responsible for us. He looked after us, he wiped our tears and he held us, not the other way around, ever. But here we were, and he was gripping onto me as if at any moment I would disappear too.

 

“I saw him, Dis. Frerin- by the time I got to him, I saw his life being taken out of his body as he lay there bleeding out on the ground. I couldn’t save him. He was so cold, so still-“ His voice broke off as we both held each other, the tears flowing down my face now as we grieved our brother.

 

Frerin, the reckless one, the black haired misfit who was always the first to run willingly into a battle and was the last to retreat from one. He was the only one who had managed to become quite skilled at archery and preferred using a bow as opposed to a sword.

 

“Some who die deserve life.”  Thorin whispered. 

 

“Frerin deserved life.” I agreed, wiping a stray tear from my brother’s cheek.


	5. Chapter 5

“Where are you going?” I asked Thorin as he pushed his chair back, reaching for his jacket.

 

“To go hunt for a little while, it helps me think to be by myself. Balin and I will be back later on tonight to go over papers.”

 

I nodded, “Of course.”

 

Thorin was never open to expressing his feelings; he often preferred to be by himself out in the forest. I couldn’t really blame him, I wasn’t that good at giving advice like Balin or even Oin was even though he was deaf as a door. I was more of the listening type which wasn’t good for either of us seeing as Thorin was just as stubborn as I was when it came to expressing ourselves.

 

“If I’m not back by their bedtime, don’t let them to wait up for me.” Thorin grumbled. “And don’t let them sleep in the hall by the door. I nearly killed myself tripping over them last time.”

 

“Be safe.” I embraced him.  

 

“Always.” The door shut behind him.

 

I walked over to the living room, picking up the mess of toys from Fili and Kili, putting it back in their room; even though they were more than likely going to come home and drag everything out again. I half smiled when I saw Fili’s old teddy bear in Kili’s crib that he refused to part with even though it was a few threads away from falling apart, missing one eye and a leg.

 

It had been Fili’s when he was little and when Kili got a hold of it, he refused to let it go, screaming whenever I tried to pry it from his tiny fingers. For a dwarfling he had a pretty strong grip on it as I almost laughed out loud when I realized how much he looked like Thorin at that moment- frowning and stubborn, refusing to budge.

 

_“It’s okay, mama.” Fili said, placing a hand on my arm, “Kili can have it, he needs it more than I do.”_

 

Vili had patted his eldest son on the back, telling him Kili would always need him, to look after him, to make sure he was safe. Fili took that so seriously he once yelled at his father for playing around with Kili, swinging him around and throwing him up in the air.

 

_“Stop it, Daddy!” Fili yelled, his little hands on his hips, “You’re going to drop him!”_

I smiled at the memory. As if on cue, the front door opened and I wandered down the hallway to find Fili falling over trying to shake his boots off as Kili slumped against Dwalin’s arm, his thumb in his mouth sleeping softly.

 

Fili put a finger up to his lips and then pointed to Kili, as if telling me to be quiet because his brother was sleeping. I helped Fili climb out of his winter gear, mittens, hats and all as he squirmed out of my grasp to run to his room, bringing out the wooden toys Bofur and Bifur had carved for him; setting them up in the same place he left them in.

 

“Fresh air tired him out,” Dwalin laughed softly as he was careful not to move the sleeping baby in his arms, “Where do you want me to put him?”

 

I could have easily taken Kili and put him down myself, but a part of me wanted to forget that my family was ever broken and that everything was right. Mommy, Daddy and the two kids. It wouldn’t hurt to pretend for a split second that this was the family Dwalin and I had on our own and that everything was perfect, would it? Would it be so wrong that for one moment I could pretend this was what would have been?

 

“This way,” I motioned as Dwalin followed behind me until we got to their room, where I nodded towards the crib, pulling the blanket back. He set Kili down gently, whose thumb was still in his mouth as I gently unbuttoned his snowsuit, lifting his dead weight as I pulled it off of him.

 

Kili didn’t stir once as I moved him around, finally wrapping the blanket around him, tucking the stupid bear right beside him. And quietly we tiptoed out of the room, shutting the door behind us.

 

“That kid will sleep through anything.” I muttered, coming into the living room. “He’ll raise hell about having to go down for a nap but when he does sleep, nothing wakes him.”

 

“So much like you.” Dwalin half laughed as Fili ran at him, tugging him towards his toys.

 

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I put my hands on my hips.

 

“Oh come on Dis, you were a holy terror of a child, even you can’t deny that. Damn near stabbed me to death with your dagger when I tried to put you down for a nap.”

 

I was known for my legendary temper tantrums and hot temper that even Dwalin and Thorin, who were years older than me didn’t argue when I forced them to have tea parties and play dolls with me.

 

“Well then let’s just be thankful I never had a girl.” I half muttered. I probably couldn’t even handle a younger version of myself, it would drive me insane.  

 

“Where’s Thorin?”

 

“He went off to go think, you know how he gets when he has a lot on his mind, prefers to be alone.” I shrugged.

 

“I take it he told you about your father and grandfather, then?”

 

I nodded.

 

“I’m sorry, Dis.”

 

“What the hell are you sorry for? I told that crazy old dwarf he shouldn’t leave his people to go fight for more land. But he was so mad with dragon sickness he didn’t listen; it was just about more power and gold for him, so that doesn’t really surprise me that he’s gone. My father ran off and Thorin’s in denial, refusing to believe that he’s dead, but I know for a fact if he hasn’t returned by now, he’s good as dead anyway. Vili’s gone, hell I should have just married you, you seem to be the only one that came back in one piece!”

 

 

Dwalin smirked, “You still have that crazy temper, maybe they should crown you leader. No one would dare defy you, and face your wrath, that’s for sure.”

 

“It’s not my fault I seem to be the most sensible one of my family.” I said stubbornly.

 

“Thorin will be alright, he just has a lot to get used to, we all do. You might be sensible now, but years ago you were the reckless one, even more than Frerin at times.”

 

“I just hope he doesn’t turn out like him.” I said, referring to my grandfather, ignoring the stab of pain when my deceased brother was mentioned.

 

“He won’t Dis, there’s no gold. This isn’t Erebor; your brother’s stronger than that.”

 

“They’ll eventually try to take it back,” I shrugged, “It’ll turn out just like Moria. Another war over land and gold, which isn’t even a living thing worth fighting for.”

 

“Being safe and rebuilding our lives out here is worth more than all the gold in Erebor,” Dwalin said, staring off into the distance. “Hopefully your brother realizes that.”

 

A sharp cry drifting down the hallway snapped me out of my thoughts as Fili stood up, scattering his toys even more.

 

“I’ll go get him, Mama!” Fili said, starting to run off to their room. “Hang on Kee! I’m coming!”

 

“Just don’t drop him again!” I called out, putting my hands on my hips.

 

Sure enough the crying stopped instantly and I heard a fit of tiny giggles as Fili came back, carrying his brother in his arms, whose hair stuck straight up and looked at me with wide eyes.

 

“Where’s Uncle Thorin, Mama?” Fili asked, setting Kili down on the floor next to him. Kili tried to crawl towards Dwalin and I, but was still too little to get moving. With one arm, Dwalin pulled him up so he could sit on his lap.

 

“He went out hunting, he’ll be back later.”

 

“Mister Dwalin will you take me hunting one day?” Fili asked, sitting on the floor, putting his head on Dwalin’s knee, “Uncle Thorin never does.”

 

“Maybe one day, Fili if your mother lets me.” He winked at me and then laughed as I rolled my eyes.

 

“And how to fight with axes?!”

 

“Absolutely not!” I raised an eyebrow at my son, who was too busy getting excited over Dwalin’s weapons of choice. “And if I were you, I would start doing that spelling paper Mister Balin’s expecting to get from you tonight.”

 

I remembered all too well what had happened when Dwalin and Thorin first started using weapons to fight. An axe ended up through a window and Thorin almost took our father’s head off with his sword. I could only imagine what would happen if Fili and Kili were ever taught how to use weapons. But I couldn’t exactly fight the inevitable.

 

Fili sighed dramatically before sitting himself at the kitchen table and pulling out some of his practice work. Balin was the scholar out of everyone, he had taught Thorin and myself how to read and write so many years ago, now it was Fili’s turn and once Kili could start talking rather than grunting, he would start learning Khuzdul.

 

Kili, who had grown impatient with his brother for running off on him, reaching over to me, demanding my attention as I picked my dark haired baby up in my arms as he put his head in the crook of my neck.

 

Dwalin slung one of his arms lazily over the couch before looking at me. “So, this is what it feels like to be settled down, hey Dis?”

 

“You could say that, as domesticated as we’ll ever be, anyway.”

 

How I missed my days of hunting and fighting though, but I’d never admit that out loud.

 

Dwalin laughed as I turned to him.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

“You and I being settled down.”

 

I laughed once, thinking back to our much younger, wilder days. “Who would’ve thought.”


	6. Chapter 6

_ Some years ago… _

__

_ I wrapped my jacket around me tighter as the winter wind nipped at my flesh, which was now red and burning as we trekked through the high passages and winding trees through the Misty Mountains. My oldest brother stalked with a purpose, leading us farther away from our land, which was no longer ours to call home. _

__

_ He hadn’t spoken in hours, which meant he was close to blowing a gasket. The only words he had spoken to me were to yell about hurrying up and keeping the pace.  _

__

_ Frerin was walking swinging his bow back and forth, the snow not seeming to bother him. Mind you, he could find some humor out of any situation.  _

__

_ Dwalin turned to look at me, before tossing his coat at me. I caught it, holding it by two fingers. “Put it on,” He said. _

__

_ I shook my head. “I’m fine.” _

__

_ “Bloody hell you’re fine, you’re almost blue, Dis. Your lips are going blue and you’re going to get frostbite. And then you’ll really have something to moan and complain about.” _

__

_ “I’m not wearing it.” _

__

_ Frerin looked back, “Mahal, Dis. You need to get warm, you look like death.” _

__

_ “Nobody asked you, Frerin. I don’t need a coat, I’m fine.” _

__

_ “Oh yes you are.” Dwalin snapped back. _

__

_ “I don’t need it.” _

__

_ “Quit acting so modest and tough. You’re shivering.” _

__

_ “Your pride is going to kill you, little sister.” Frerin laughed and I wanted to steal one of his arrows and shoot him in the back of the head.  _

__

_ “Well then you’ll get frostbite, and then what happens? Can’t have my brothers second in command dying at my hands, now can we?” _

__

_ “You stubborn brat…” I heard Dwalin mutter and he walked over to me, forcefully wrapping his coat around my shoulders and a part of me winced when our skin made contact. _

__

_ “What the hell are you doing?” I demanded, crossing my arms. _

__

_ I was being a little over dramatic, but it was a long day on the road and I was tired, cold and cranky. I wanted to make a scene and make it difficult for someone, at least. What else was a little sister supposed to do? Except, I wasn’t annoying Thorin. It was his tattooed friend that was sighing in frustration at me. _

__

_ “Give it to someone else; they need it more than me.” I tried, more gently this time. _

__

_ “I’m giving it to you, you need it.” _

__

_ “Ugh.” I rolled my eyes. _

__

_ “Dwalin!” Thorin yelled.  _

__

_ “If you so much as take it off, I’ll sling you over my shoulder and carry you the rest of the way.” Dwalin pointed a finger at me before running ahead to join my brother. _

__

_ We were walking through the dark now, the sun long gone and the cold settling into our bones. What survivors had made it this far were following us as Thorin and Dwalin lead on. Frerin switched between walking with me and trying to catch up with the two idiots at the front.  _

__

_ “Where are we to go, Thorin?” I heard Dwalin ask him. _

__

_ “I don’t know yet.” Thorin only mumbled, realizing I could probably still hear him.  _

__

_ Although I was younger, didn’t mean I was a baby. I was an adolescent, after all. Not a child, but not yet grown up enough to be included in secret conversations concerning the well being of our future, if we had one. _

__

_ I cleared my throat, hoping they would realize I could hear them, but they were too busy shushing everyone when a blood curdling scream came from behind us, as we whipped around to see an orc pack running at us at full force. _

__

_ Just our luck, right? _

__

_ Thorin was already running ahead, leading with a precise strike to each orc he came into contact with, skillfully shoving his blade into their diseased flesh as more came down from the mountainside. My other brother, Frerin went running after him, wilder and more reckless, drawing his bow and arrow. Before I could think, Dwalin had his arm out around me, pulling me away from an oncoming orc as he lunged at it, knocking its head off with his axe. _

  _Axe._

__

_ Brilliant idea. I would show him I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself and didn’t need him protecting me from everything. I’d show him.  _

__

_ “Dis!” Dwalin called out as I grabbed one of his axes from his belt, running at another orc.  “Dis, get back here!” _

__

_ I wasn’t going to stand like a helpless wench when we were about to be slaughtered by filth. I flung the axe as hard into the orc’s flesh as I could before I felt the impact tremor up my arm as I moaned slightly at the sharp pain that jolted up my arm and into my shoulder. _

__

_ I swung it again at another orc, who buckled under the blunt force; screeching. I backed up, impressed with myself that in the last two minutes I had contributed to fighting them off. I was going to rub it in Dwalin’s face once we were done here. _

__

_ Then, out of nowhere I heard footsteps behind me and then a sharp blade cut through my arm as I froze in pain, unable to move. The orc had missed, only nicking part of my arm, where I felt the warmth of my blood start to trickle out, stinging slightly. Using the sharp part of the axe, I connected it to its neck, digging as hard as I could before I felt it loosen its grip; before another figure jumped out of the distance, taking its head off in one easy flick of a blade. _

__

_ “Dammit, Dis!” Dwalin shouted now, running over to me. His rough hands grabbed my face, turning my chin to look up at him. “You nearly got yourself killed!” His eyes focused on my one arm, which was now stinging, causing me to wince. _

__

_ “I’m fine.” I muttered, pulling down Dwalin’s jacket to cover the blood. _

__

_ “After all that, you’re still stubborn enough to say you’re fine?” _

__

_ I nodded, avoiding his gaze. In one movement, he had me up in his strong arms, scars and marks stretching across them, permanently etched into his skin. _

__

_ “That’s going to scar.” He said more softly as I tried to protest, but feeling too light headed and overcome with fatigue to even argue with him. _

__

_ “Well maybe then they’ll consider me a badass warrior, like you, Dwalin.” _

__

_ He snorted once before tightening his grip on me as I felt myself weaken, my arms hung loosely around his neck as my head rested against his chest. _

__

_ “Oh yeah, you’re the only person to ever steal one of my weapons, that’s legend enough. If that had been anyone else, they wouldn’t have arms right now.” _

__

_ “You can put me down y’know. Why are you helping? I’m not your responsibility.” _

__

_ “I would assume this is the responsibility of any noble dwarf to help an injured maiden?” _

__

_ “Shut up.” I sighed against his chest as my eyes threatened to close on me at any minute. “You know I could knock you flat out if I really wanted.” _

__

_ “Are you the one who wrote me all those love letters when you were little?” I felt him smirking before I pulled back. _

__

_ “Oh don’t flatter yourself. I don’t know what in Mahal’s name you’re talking about.” _

__

_ “That’s not what Thorin told me.” _

__

_ “Yeah well I’m going to have Thorin’s head for even thinking I would write you anything.” _

__

_ “Oh ouch, Dis. Now you’re just being mean. Don’t forget I still remember when you were no more than eight running around calling me your knight and telling everyone you were going to marry me and have babies with me.” He laughed now, as I felt my cheeks redden. _

_ Dwalin was as old as Thorin and I took an interest to him when I was little, his piercings and skill with an axe fascinated me, which turned into me thinking I was in love with him. Which was more embarrassing to remember now that I was wrapped in his arms. _

__

_ “I was a child, Dwalin. And I will have you know I’m never having children anyway, or even getting married for that matter.” _

__

_ “Neither am I, so it looks like we’re cut out for each other after all, princess.” _

__

_ I smirked into his chest before sleep claimed me. _


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm not going to have this go in order, this whole story thing is mostly just going to be flashbacks with a couple chapters actually in the same time frame

“Mister Dwalin!” Kili cried out as Dwalin walked through our doorway, setting his bags on the floor.

 

Kili’s lanky little figure ran towards Dwalin as he flung himself into Dwalin’s open arms. Dwalin stood still at first, but then eventually hugged my little monster back, ruffling his black hair, which was almost at his shoulders now.

 

“I have something to show you!” He yelled and before I could even scold him for the millionth time today about using his ‘inside’ voice, was off running towards his room for whatever reason.

 

I grinned as Dwalin leaned down to quickly brush his lips against mine. “My lady.”

 

“My knight.”

 

“How were things while I was away?”

 

“They were alright, lonely at times, but just fine.”

 

Dwalin just smiled as he wrapped an arm around my waist and I sighed against his side, missing having him  next to me at night.

 

Kili came bounding down the hall again with his two axes in his hands, which were nearly as big as he was. I sighed, rolling my eyes. Kili had babbled on non-stop for the past two weeks about how excited he was to show Dwalin his axes.

 

I walked back into the kitchen as Dwalin took Kili into the living room, bouncing with excitement to finally show off his new toys. That is, until I heard a crack and then an, “I’m so sorry!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“It’s not funny.” Dwalin grumbled as he held ice to his nose, which was now red and slightly swollen.

 

“It kind of is. The only time you’ve ever had your nose broken was by a dwarfling.”

 

“Don’t you even think to tell anyone.”

 

Kili had gotten so excited that apparently he had swung his axe and hit Dwalin directly in the nose with it.

 

“Are you just going to make up some story about a hard core fight or something then?” I laughed again when he scowled.

 

“The kid’s got an arm, I’ll tell you that much.”

 

Thorin opened the door, walking into the kitchen, seeing Dwalin sitting at the table with ice on his face.

 

“What in Mahal’s name happened to you?” He asked, taking a seat beside him.

 

“Ask your nephew.” Was Dwalin’s deadpanned response and I burst into laughter all over again.


	8. Chapter 8

_Some years ago:_

_“Sir Dwalin!” I yelled as I ran through the green fields of flowers to jump on my knight; who was alongside my oldest (and most boring, might I add) brother._

_They had been sent off to the Iron Hills to train with Dain Ironfoot, who had some sort of relation to us. I was just a child so deciding how I was related to someone was beyond my comprehension. All I knew was that Dain was my cousin and when I went to visit he let me ride his boar._

_The grass tickled my bare feet as I hoped my Amad wouldn’t come out here. She would most definitely scold me for not wearing shoes. She was in the process of showing me how to be a ‘proper’ lady, but it wasn’t going very well. I had no time for that, there were butterflies to chase, flowers to pick and dirt to play in._

_“What in the…” Thorin started as I pushed him out of the way to come to a screeching halt in front of his tattooed, pierced friend._

_Dwalin was twice my size easily. I barely came up past his waist._

_“Mister Dwalin look!” I held up the flower I had been saving for him._

_Unlike Thorin who couldn’t be bothered by flowers and by anything nice, Dwalin knelt down so he was at my eye level._

_“I picked it just for you!” I swayed back and forth on my toes, my dress swishing against my legs._

_“Just for me?”_

_“Well of course.”_

_“Thank you princess.”  He bowed his head as I weaved it through his long black hair._

_“Promise to never take it out.”_

_Thorin rolled his eyes._

_“Yes m’Lady.” Dwalin stood back up._

_And so Thorin and Dwalin went back into Erebor to meet with my father, flower in his hair and all._


	9. Chapter 9

“WHAT IN MAHAL’S NAME IS THE MEANING OF THIS?” Thorin shouted at the top of his lungs from the den.  

Ah, my brother Thorin. Drama Queen Under The Mountain.

I paused for a minute, not wanting to walk into my eldest brother having a complete meltdown until I heard him yell out again,

“FILI AND KILI!”

So it was my problem after all I guess.

“What on earth are you yelling about, Thor-“ I stopped when I turned the corner to see him half dazed; with ‘I Love Elves’ drawn on his forehead.

I tried my hardest not to laugh but it was impossible.

“Your two little gremlins thought this!” He pointed a finger at his forehead, “Would be funny!”

“How did they manage to do that?” I asked, still snickering.

Too bad Dwalin was out hunting and couldn’t witness this in all its glory.

Where my two little brats were was a good question. I should have known something was up judging by how quiet the house was.

“After getting in from hunting in all hours of the night I was beyond exhausted so I fell asleep on the couch. They must have woken up early this morning.”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a blonde head of hair sneak past the window, followed by a black head of hair that was giggling not-so quietly.

“Did you hear that?” Thorin jumped as if at any moment he was going to be attacked.

“Hear what?” I asked, trying to keep my straight face.

“They could be anywhere.” He looked around, almost as if he was ready to attack prey or something.

I heard Kili sneeze and Thorin took off through the door at record speed.

“It was Kili’s idea!” Was all I heard before Thorin came storming back through the door, Kili and Fili in each hand, dangling by their tunics.

“Hiya Mum!” Kili called out as Fili sighed, hanging his head in defeat.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Dis is the only person who isn't scared of getting her lights knocked out by Dwalin when tending to his injuries

_Some Years Ago:_

_“Dwalin’s injured!” Gloin yelled out, running back to the camp._

 

_My heart jumped a beat._

 

_“How bad?” I asked, my hair flipping wildly in the wind as the storm blew in from the East._

 

_Dwalin wasn’t one to make a huge scene about being injured. In fact, if anyone tried to help him he’d so much as knock their head off._

 

_“He’s cut up pretty bad. His leg needs binding, that damn orc scum cut a blade into him.”_

_“Where is he?!”_

 

_“He’s in his tent. Kicked all of us out. Even Oin.” Gloin shrugged. “Dwalin does what he wants.”_

 

_I scoffed. Not this time._

 

_Storming towards Dwalin’s tent, I passed Thorin; who was stomping in the opposite direction. My other brother, Frerin; strolled behind him casually. Nothing ever fazed Frerin._

 

_“That stubborn ass!” He muttered, before looking up at me. “He’s not gonna let you touch him, Dis. He wouldn’t even let me look at it.”_

 

_Yes, well Thorin wasn’t exactly the most gentle or modest when it came to those things._

 

_"If it means anything Thorin, I wouldn't want you coming near me either." Frerin snickered._

_"Nobody asked you." Thorin grumbled._

 

_“Just watch me brother.”_

 

_I flipped the tent door open, where Dwalin lay, attempting to bandage and bind his own wounds._

 

_“It’s nothin’, Dis. Just a scratch.”_

 

 _“You’re bleeding out on the floor, that’s not a scratch you idiot. Let me help you.” I knelt down to_ _pull back his trousers as he hand reached out to stop me._

 

_I smacked it away and pulled the cloth back to reveal an ugly gash. Grabbing the anesthetic Oin left on the table I poured some on it; letting it fizz to get rid of all the bacteria._

 

_Dwalin hissed as his fist pounded off the side table. “Damn it woman! That stings!”_

 

_“Well if you would quit squirming it wouldn’t hurt so much!” I yelled back in his face._

 

_That shut him up for about a minute as I wrapped his leg up as best I could._

 

_“There. Now it won’t get infected and fall off.”_

 

_“Get outta here, kid.” Dwalin grumbled, pulling his trousers back up._

 

_“Or what? You’re gonna knock me out? I’m not scared of you.” I challenged him, as I grabbed his chin to turn his face towards me._

 

_I ripped a chunk of cloth from my dress and dabbed at his face, getting the blood and dirt off of his face._

 

_“Oh for Mahal’s sake Dis, I’m fine.”_

 

_“Yeah you’re fine now that I bandaged you up.”_

 

_“I can take care of myself you know.”_

 

_“Oh yeah, you’d just sit there stubbornly until you bled to death.” I said before getting up to leave the tent._

 

_“You’re just as stubborn as I am!” He called out._

 

_“You’re welcome, Dwalin.” I said as sweetly as I could._

 

_He grumbled something unintelligent._


	11. Chapter 11

_“Uncle!” Fili called out and I felt my heart stop in my chest._

 

_My baby’s first word._

 

_Wait what?_

 

_Why not Amad? Or Mama?_

 

_Trying not to be offended that out of all things my little lion decided to say, it just had to be Uncle; I couldn’t hide my excitement._

 

_I ran over to him, swinging him up into my arms; kissing the top of his blonde hair._

 

_“My baby!” I cooed into his ear as he giggled in delight._

 

_My baby was growing up._

 

_“Vili!” I called out to my husband, who came into the living room; tying his blonde hair back into its braid._

 

_“What happened?” He asked, coming to put an arm around my shoulder._

 

_“He said his first word!”_

 

_Vili’s eyes widened. “What did he say?!”_

 

_“Uncle.” I rolled my eyes. Thorin and Frerin were going to love to hear that._

 

_“Uncle?” Vili frowned._

 

_“Tell me about it. But our baby is growing up!” I reached over to place my lips against Vili’s, when the strangest thing happened._

 

_Dwalin’s face flashed before mine._

 

_I froze._

 

_“Are you alright, my love?” Vili asked me._

 

_“Yeah…” I lied, smiling, “Just a little sad that he’s growing up so fast.”_

 

_Why did I find myself seeing Dwalin when it was Vili that I should have been enjoying the moment with?_

 

_“It’ll be alright, Dis. We’ll have more babies one day.” He laughed against me, kissing my hair._

 

_I tried my hardest to push Dwalin to the back of my mind, to forget about him and why I was seeing his face when I went to kiss my own husband._

 

_“So your nephew spoke his first word today.” Vili announced as Frerin and Thorin stumbled through my front door, throwing their jackets onto the table._

 

_Don’t think of Dwalin, don’t think of Dwalin._

 

_What would he have said if he was here?_

 

_Maybe his name would have been Fili’s first word._

 

_Dis, get it together._

 

_“What! No way!” Frerin said, breaking out into a smile as he ran towards Fili; who was sitting on the floor with his toys._

 

_“What did he say?” Thorin asked more calmly, rolling his eyes at Frerin’s excitement._

 

_“Uncle.” I said, rolling my eyes._

 

_“What!” Frerin exclaimed again, brushing his hand through Fili’s hair. “That’s amazing! I’m flattered, little one.”_

 

_“Yeah tell me about it. I carried him, fed him and he decides to blurt out Uncle.”_

 

_“Now just wait a minute,” Thorin said, turning to my brother, “What makes you think he meant you?”_

 

_“Well he wasn’t talking about you, clearly. I’m the fun one. Of course he would think of me.”_

 

_“What do you mean? I’m fun!”_

 

_“Yeah, if you were an old dwarrowdam.” Frerin snorted. He then ran a hand through his already tangled hair and deepened his voice, “Look I’m Thorin and I hate fun and anything that has to do with having a good time!”_

 

_I could feel Vili trying not to laugh beside me._

 

_Thorin put his hands on his hips. “Fili obviously meant me.”_

 

_“Why?” Frerin wrinkled his face, “You’re the most boring dwarf in existence. I wouldn’t say your name as my first word if I was a baby.”_

 

_“Listen here, you ass. I’m just as much of an important Uncle as you are.”_

 

_I rolled my eyes. For the love of Mahal, how did I know this was going to turn into these two idiots arguing over who Fili meant when he said Uncle?_

 

_“He meant me.” Frerin grinned, shrugging._

 

_“No he didn’t !”_

 

_Poor Fili was just sitting on the floor, his thumb in his mouth as he watched his Uncles argue over something so petty._

 

_“Ask him then!”_

 

_“What do you mean ask him, you idiot? He’s a baby!”_

 

_“There’s no need for name calling, Thorin. There are children present.”_

 

_Thorin grunted in frustration._

 

_“We’ll just have to ask him when he’s older.” Frerin said, as he picked Fili, “Won’t we, little one?”_

 

_Fili squealed, tugging on Frerin’s unruly black hair._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my heart just broke a little at the end of this, because Frerin never does get to ask Fili when he grows up :(


	12. Chapter 12

“Now, now, little one.” Balin said as he bounced Kili up and down in his arms as he reached for Dwalin.

 

Kili grunted.

 

“I think he wants you to hold him, Dwal.”

 

“Eh…” Although Dwalin had held Kili I could still tell he was completely and utterly terrified of babies.

 

“Come now brother, you’re not scared of a dwarfling are you?”

 

“Of course not.” Dwalin glared.

 

As soon as he got close enough to take Kili from Balin’s arms, Kili reached forward and with his two chubby hands he gripped Dwalin’s beard, pulling hard.

 

That was what most dwarflings did when being held by their fathers.

 

Their fathers.

 

Mahal have mercy, was Kili trying to shatter my heart into a million pieces?

 

If I hadn’t been sitting at the kitchen table with Fili I probably would have fainted.

 

My eyes went wide and Balin let out a slight gasp as Dwalin stood there, almost frozen.

 

Kili, who had no idea what the significance of he had just done, giggled; letting his head rest against Dwalin’s chest.

 

“Well then.” Balin cleared his throat, “I suppose I should go over Fili’s homework, teach him a couple new runes.”

 

He walked over to us, taking a seat next to my oldest.

 

“Okay laddie, show me what you’ve got so far.”

 

As Balin explained more runes and their meanings, I walked over to where Dwalin was still holding Kili.

 

“I can take him.” I offered, reaching my arms out to take my baby.

 

“S’alright.” Dwalin held him closer to his chest, Kili oddly calm and not squirming like he normally was. “It’s not so bad.”

 

“Coming from you I’ll take that as a compliment.”

 

“Anytime, princess.” He muttered.

 

Great, now things were awkward between us because my kid pulled on his beard.

 

At least he didn’t throw Kili back at me and walk out the door and never come back.

 

Balin leaves, muttering a goodbye to his brother; giving goodbye hugs to Fili. But I didn’t miss the exchanged glance between him and Dwalin before he walked out the door.

 

“Alright, time for bed.” I tell Fili as he groans, but is more willing to change into his nightshirt as opposed to my baby.

 

Dwalin follows behind me as I walk to the boys’ room, the baby still clutched tightly against him. Kili’s relaxed; his thumb in his mouth and hopefully he’ll go right to sleep instead of fighting me like every other night.

 

“Will you tell me a bed time story, Amad?” Fili asked as he sat on the edge of his bed, dangling his feet over the side.

 

“Not tonight, love. Maybe tomorrow.” I replied, taking Kili out of Dwalin’s arms and setting him down into the crib.

 

“Mister Dwalin will you tuck me in?” Fili asked and I cursed myself again.

 

My children were not making this easy on me. The feelings I had for Dwalin, I was trying to push back down like I had done for all these years and suddenly they’re coming back in full force and I couldn’t control them.

 

“Of course.”

 

I put the wool blanket over Kili and kissed Fili on the top of the head.

 

“’Night Mister Dwalin. ‘Night Amad.”

 

“Goodnight my love.” I said as I closed the door behind us.

 

“I guess I should head back home.” Dwalin said, walking towards the front door.

 

“Are you sure? It’s raining pretty hard.” I answered as thunder cracked in the sky.

 

I hoped it wouldn’t wake the boys. I didn’t need Fili running around yelling that the Stone Giants were going to come get him.

 

Dwalin looked out the window.

 

In the mountains, if the paths were to flood, there would be a mudslide.

 

The last thing I needed was to lose someone else.

 

Or maybe I was just looking for an excuse for him to stay.

 

“You could stay if you wanted to.” I shrugged, “I don’t mind.”

 

“If you wanted me to stay so much, Dis all you needed to do was ask.” Dwalin laughed, “I’ll be on the couch.”

 

Or my bed, I thought. But I bit my tongue. 

 

“Alright.” I said, before turning to head down the hall to my bedroom, “Goodnight, _Sir_ Dwalin.” I smiled, calling him by his old nickname.

 

“Night princess.”

 

And for the first time I had ever seen it in my life, Dwalin, son of Fundin was blushing scarlet.


	13. Chapter 13

**_ Dwalin’s P.O.V _ **

**__ **

“Dwal, I think he wants you to hold him.” Balin held the squirmy thing out towards me. 

I’d never been a fan of babies.

Not to mention I was beyond nervous to hold Dis’ baby that I’d probably drop the thing.

A son that could have been mine.

That should have been mine.

“Eh…” I started, trying to think of an excuse, but my older brother cut me off.

“You’re not scared of a little dwarfling, are you?” Balin chuckled as I sent him my most menacing glare to shut him up.

The last thing I needed was Dis laughing at me because I was scared to hold her baby; she was the only one who wasn’t scared of me so her making fun of me was something that came naturally to her.

As I took a step closer to take Kili into my arms, the little gremlin grabbed a hold of my beard, tugging on it as hard as his fat little fingers could.

I froze.

That was something baby dwarrows did when they were being held by their father.

Father.

Balin gasped beside me as Dis stared at us, wide eyed, flushing scarlet.

Sweet Mahal, what just happened?

Kili looked up, grinning toothlessly at me.

My heart was either going to stop or pound right out of my chest.


End file.
